March 12, 2004

Breaking Through Barriers

  I'm here for just a few minutes. Trying to get everyone together for church. Clothes to be ironed, baths to be had, supper to eat, etc. etc. :)
  So yesterday I shared with you that I've been in a writing slump. After posting that, I pulled myself out of it. I found a great source of encouragement and inspiration. Most of all, I'm proud in myself. I'm proud because nobody else had to spout off a "List of why Hope shouldn't quit writing."
  Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. And sometimes I am my own best friend. I learned a very valuable lesson yesterday. You can't always rely on someone else to pick you up when you've fallen.
  There is a great friend for each of us. Who? Find a quiet spot. Sit. Listen. What do you hear? Nothing? Are you growing uncomfortable?
  How often are you alone with yourself? Sometimes I think the reason we lose ourselves is because we get so wrapped up in everything else that we forget to spend time with ourselves.
  A marriage is a partnership of two people. If those two people avoid each other daily, or just say a quick, "Hello," while passing each other, how can their marriage survive?
  Our spirituality is the same. We have to have a daily relationship with God. It's not easy. It does take effort on our part. But if we neglect our relationship with God, we will only drive ourselves further from Him.
  Bringing my point back to home, we need time alone with ourselves. There will be times when we are faced with diversity alone. There will be noone to call on for help or encouragement. We will have to bolster and depend on ourselves.
  After my little "breakthrough" yesterday, I decided to draw again. It has probably been 8-10 years since I drew anything. I felt compelled to my sketchpad. Here's the outcome:

  My watercolor brush is yucky (the bristels keep falling out), so I couldn't paint. I sat here thinking that I could just draw with a pencil. Then I noticed a box of crayons nearby. So I grabbed them and went to work.
  Emily watched me while I did these. She giggled when I was finished. I giggled, too. It felt so good to create something.
  I released myself. I threw inhibitions to the wind. I became childlike. I could have chastized myself for using crayons and sketchpaper, instead of paints. Rather than that, though, I didn't allow myself to "think." I just embraced the idea and acted upon it.
  The Artist's Way is truly a wonderful book. It is opening up so many parts of me that I thought were buried and gone. If you are an artist of any type (and even if you're not), I suggest buying this book and working it.
  I sense layers peeling away every week. Layers of guilt, shame, anger, fear, memories, and so much more. The layers have been piled, one upon the other, creating a grand wall of resistance to my inner creativity. Slowly, this stratum is being stripped away, leaving a clean, fresh slate from which I shall work!