February 21, 2006

I see the light! (I think)

I've been battling a certain problem that I haven't fully disclosed here. I think I've probably briefly touched on some of my symptoms. I don't really like to talk about personal issues here though.

Anyway, I've known something was "off" with me, or more specifically, with my body. I just couldn't place my finger on the what. Then a friend called me one morning and started telling me about an herbal product she's been using and how much it helped her. I could tell just by hearing her voice that something in her had changed.

I was somewhat skeptical. I've always been leery of medicine, period. At this point though, I was ready to try anything, if I thought it might help. Since it was natural and not very expensive, I thought I'd give it a shot. If it didn't work, I'd only lose $20.

Let me sidetrack for just a moment and tell you a few things that was going on with me. I'd been feeling extremely frustrated for a long time (I'm talking years, not days, weeks or months). I'd try to work (write), yet could not focus, regardless of what I tried. My mind would wander in a million directions (literally). I would have very brief moments when I turned out pieces of work, but they were few and far between.

The frustration continued to grow because then I'd become frustrated with myself because I couldn't concentrate. It's been a vicious cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows. I've felt like I've been on a terrible emotional coaster ride for way too long.

What's made it worse is trying to hide it from the public. A couple of weeks ago I divulged to someone close to me that I've been struggling and she said to me, "I don't know how you are sane, after all that you've been through." I looked at her, laughed and said, "I'm not sane, people just don't know what I deal with when I'm alone." (Even typing this now, knowing that people I know will be reading this, I'm scared because I'm opening myself to public scrutiny.)

Along with feeling frustrated all the time, I've been dealing with other things like terrible mood swings, bladder problems, changes in my eating habits, anxiety, and extreme fatigue on a daily basis. The fatigue has really gotten to me lately. In the middle of the day, every day, I become so fatigued and sleepy that I literally cannot hold my eyes open. Anyone who knows me knows I do not like to take naps. I think it's wasteful. But I have been forced to nap every day (for the last couple of months, at least).

At first I thought maybe depression was taking control of me again. But I do not feel that "dark cloud" over my head. I've experienced depression before, and I knew that my symptoms this time, although very similar to depression symptoms, were not pointing to depression.

So back to my friend. When she pointed out that I could have a hormone imbalance, it was like a light bulb went off. I'd never thought of it. Fact is, my body hasn't been the same ever since the birth of my son (2-1/2 years!!!).

She told me to join a certain group, where I would get tons of information on hormone balance and treatment. I did, and after going through tons of messages, and doing even more research, I decided to go ahead and try this alternative treatment.

It's been three days since I started using the cream. I hesitate to speak too fast, but I think I am beginning to see some positive changes. Keep your fingers crossed for me!