September 21, 2009

I Almost Let Go

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How many times has this been my song? I can’t even begin to count.

The last week has been a really tough one for me. I have lost so much sleep in the last six months or so, and it finally caught up with me. My body started ignoring me, deciding it was time for me to listen to it and slow down and rest. My mind began to fail, as my emotions took control of me. Finally, over the weekend everything came to a head and I had to just stop everything and rest my mind and body.

You know what? It’s right in these times of emptiness when the devil starts whispering ugly things in our ears. He knows when we are weak in our minds, his attacks are usually more effective.

Satan started whispering in my ear yesterday. I almost started believing his lies. Thank God I called on my sister and she set me straight. I told her I felt like something must be wrong with my spirit, or I’d be able to overcome this weariness quicker. She told me not to dwell on those thoughts because Satan would use it to make me believe his lies. And she was so right.

God has kept me through so many storms and dark nights in my life. If I started telling you about them all right now, it would take years to tell you about them all. He wrapped His loving arms around me through some long, cold nights when I feared the hand of death itself. He kept me through years of depression and anxiety, when I felt like the best thing I could do for my family was sink in a hole and die. He kept me through long years of fear and torment that I thought would never end. He has walked by my side, holding my hand through stressful situations. When I felt like I couldn’t take another step, He carried me until I had strength to stand on my own again.

I’m still weak right now, but I am holding fast to His hand. I know this weariness will pass. I’m counting on it bringing me greater strength for the future. Because I know there is a reason for everything we go through.

I praise God for His unfailing love and mercy. It is only because of Him that I am alive and well today. Thank You for Your mercy and grace that kept me, sweet Jesus! Thank You for holding me close, Lord, so I wouldn’t let go.