Days of Change

The last several months have been a whirlwind of change in my life. Aside from all the moves I’ve made (and I’m not talking about dance moves, either), there has been a lot of shifting within me. This is the biggest reason why I quit blogging. I’ve mostly been trying to hang on for the ride, and keep myself steady through all the changes. And there are more to come soon.

The thing I am most thankful for right now through all these changes is the learning experience. I do believe I have grown a lot (spiritually) throughout the last ten months. God brought me to a different place—physically, spiritually, and emotionally—so He could do a work in me. And I am so very thankful for that.

My greatest desire is that I take everything I have learned with me, no matter where I am. I want to be God’s instrument. I am not content sitting on the sidelines anymore. I need to be enveloped in working for God, because this world won’t last much longer, and I want to be sure that my time on this Earth has been spent wisely.

Life’s Little Moments

For a few weeks now I have been overwhelmed with current events. Every day I found myself glued to the news (mostly online), checking for the lastest stories to keep me abreast on what’s happening around the world and here at home in the U.S. I’ve been disheartened with what’s going on. Yet, at the same time, I feel my spirit dancing because I know this world is not my home, and one of these days I’ll be called home to be with my Savior forever.

But for now, how do you deal with everything? It’s easy to become overwhelmed and inundated by the craziness of this world. It’s scary to know what happens all around us, sometimes right in our own back yards. But we can’t become paralyzed with fear.

Life happens in small moments. If we spend every moment worrying about the future, we’ll miss the goodness in our life right now. So I’m learning to take it all in doses. Yes, I still read the news because I think it is important to be knowledgeable. However, when I feel myself beginning to slip into that worrisome, fearful state of mind, I back away from the news. God has not given us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:4), so I refuse to allow myself to succumb to that.  I’m going to enjoy life’s little moments and know that God is in total control.

Are you ready?

With every passing day, there are more and more events happening and plans being set into motion that confirm the Word of God about the end of time. It seems like the last few weeks my awareness has become much more astute than ever before.

Growing up, I always heard older people talking about the rapture. I heard them say many times that Jesus was coming soon. And I’ve always believed that one day Jesus will come back for His church, but it has never been more real to me than it is right now.

This heightened awareness makes my spirit leap for joy. I cannot wait until the burdens of this life roll away and we are caught up to meet Him in the air. When that awesome day comes, I know without a doubt that every burden and trial we’ve ever faced here on this earth will forever be forgotten. I can hardly wait!

Some people become a little scared when they hear others talking about the end times. They feel nervous about what might happen, or how it will happen. I have no idea what will take place or when God will call His children home to be with Him. I can’t allow myself to become encumbered with worry over what events might take place and how it might affect me. All I can do is make sure I’m prayed up and ready when He comes. I need to see after my family and do everything I can to encourage others to make their souls ready and right with God.

Are you ready? Will your traveling shoes be on when that great trumpet sounds?

When God Tells You To Ask

“Moreover, the Lord spoke again to King Ahaz, saying, Ask for yourself a sign (a token or proof) of the Lord your God [one that will convince you that God has spoken and will keep His word]; ask it either in the depth below or the height above [let it be as deep as Sheol or as high as heaven]. But Ahaz said, I will not ask, neither will I tempt the Lord.”
- Isaiah 7:10-12

 

War was unsuccessfully being plotted against Jerusalem. It was scary times, but God was on the scene and in control. He knew about the evil plotting against His people and He did not like it one bit. So He sent Isaiah with a message for Ahaz.

God was so thorough that He not only told Ahaz, through the prophet, that Jerusalem was in danger, but He even went as far as to lay out the plans in detail that had been created to destroy them. How amazing is that? That fact alone, that God would love a people so much that He would send specific word about someone’s plans to destroy them astounds me.

After revealing the enemy’s plans of destruction, the Lord tells Ahaz not to worry, that the plans wouldn’t stand and would never come to pass. But then He takes it one step even further, when He gives HIS offensive plan to Ahaz, with a clear timeline of how and when everything will happen.

But the Lord didn’t even stop there. He loved Ahaz so much, and was so concerned that Ahaz be strengthened and encouraged to believe in His word, that He told Ahaz to ask Him for a sign as confirmation of God’s word. And here’s the kicker...Ahaz refused the Lord.

How many times have we done this? How often have we listened to and received a word from God, through our pastor or a preacher, then crossed our arms and refused it? How many times has God reached out to us, through the ministry, and tugged on our heartstrings? Yet we feel condemned of our own sins, shortcomings, flaws, or faults, so we choose to shake our heads and say, “No, I don’t deserve to ask God for anything. I’m not worthy to receive a word from Him.”

I wonder how often God becomes weary with me. I can just imagine Him reaching to me, saying, “Hope, here I am. Ask what you want of me and I’ll grant it to you.” And there I sit, trapped by my own fears or failures, convincing myself that I shouldn’t request something more from God.

How dare we refuse God? How dare we weary Him with our foolishness?

Perhaps there is an underlying reason why we decide not to ask Him for that sign that we need, or otherwise. Maybe it’s because there is hidden rebellion in our heart. Maybe we think we have the answers we need already, so what more could God say to convince us otherwise? This is a scary place to be.

Or maybe we want to believe God’s word spoken to our lives, but we’ve lost all hope and that word seems far too wonderful, beyond our wildest expectations. Maybe our vision has dimmed to the point that we can barely see the hope of the prize we strive for.

Whatever the reason, we must choose to set it aside. We have to realize that God loves us. He sent His son into this world of sin, so that we could be saved. How can we refuse such love?

The solution to this is simple. When God calls, respond. When He speaks a word into your life that sparks hope inside you, but you’re still afraid, ask for that sign you need. When He gives you that promise, write it down. Count on it. Believe it. Above all, never be afraid to ask, especially when He tells you to.

I Almost Let Go

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How many times has this been my song? I can’t even begin to count.

The last week has been a really tough one for me. I have lost so much sleep in the last six months or so, and it finally caught up with me. My body started ignoring me, deciding it was time for me to listen to it and slow down and rest. My mind began to fail, as my emotions took control of me. Finally, over the weekend everything came to a head and I had to just stop everything and rest my mind and body.

You know what? It’s right in these times of emptiness when the devil starts whispering ugly things in our ears. He knows when we are weak in our minds, his attacks are usually more effective.

Satan started whispering in my ear yesterday. I almost started believing his lies. Thank God I called on my sister and she set me straight. I told her I felt like something must be wrong with my spirit, or I’d be able to overcome this weariness quicker. She told me not to dwell on those thoughts because Satan would use it to make me believe his lies. And she was so right.

God has kept me through so many storms and dark nights in my life. If I started telling you about them all right now, it would take years to tell you about them all. He wrapped His loving arms around me through some long, cold nights when I feared the hand of death itself. He kept me through years of depression and anxiety, when I felt like the best thing I could do for my family was sink in a hole and die. He kept me through long years of fear and torment that I thought would never end. He has walked by my side, holding my hand through stressful situations. When I felt like I couldn’t take another step, He carried me until I had strength to stand on my own again.

I’m still weak right now, but I am holding fast to His hand. I know this weariness will pass. I’m counting on it bringing me greater strength for the future. Because I know there is a reason for everything we go through.

I praise God for His unfailing love and mercy. It is only because of Him that I am alive and well today. Thank You for Your mercy and grace that kept me, sweet Jesus! Thank You for holding me close, Lord, so I wouldn’t let go.

How do you know when you’re in the will of God?

This is a question I’ve asked myself many times. Is it even possible to know the will of God? How can I be sure I am in the will of God? At one point, I even felt like this was some elusive, supernatural subject that I simply would never comprehend. So I pretty much gave up on trying to figure it out.

So…can you know if you’re in the will of God? Definitely! Trust me, when you aren’t in His will, your life will feel like it’s raveling apart quicker than you can mend it and attempt to piece it back together.

How do you find the will of God for your life? Prayer. Fasting. Studying His word. Seeking Him. As you start to do all these things, asking for His direction and guidance, it will begin to come together.

I feel like this is the place where I’ve been for a while now. At first, I just gave up trying to figure it all out, and I seriously think if you have endless questions and feel confused, this is exactly what you need to do. Stop trying to figure it out. You can’t.

Last night something happened that made me pause for a moment. I saw God’s hand in it, and felt like He was saying to me, “Okay, Hope. Here’s an opportunity for you. I’m opening this door again. What are you going to do with it?”

I don’t take this lightly. I feel like this is just one of several doors that God has led me to lately, and I’m walking through it with much prayer and consideration. I want to live my life so that it is pleasing to Him. I want Him to receive all glory and honor. I recognize that I cannot do a thing if He’s not in it, and I pray that He engulfs every aspect of my life. I want to be transformed and changed through Him.

So how do you know when you’re in the will of God? I believe things will start to click and come together. There may be opportunities presented to you, doors open that you thought had been shut and bolted forever. What seems impossible, God will make possible. Where you feel like there’s a huge question mark, and you’re not sure where the answer will come from, God will provide it. When you are walking with Him, the road won’t be without bumps or potholes, but you’ll have everything you need to travel it, and just when you need it the most.

Thank God For The Broken Pieces

Last night my pastor preached an awesome message, under the anointing of the Holy Ghost. For a brief summary, he preached that God has provided the broken pieces in our lives so that we can be saved. But all too often, we worry about the broken mess in our life, and become frantic, feeling like there’s no way we can salvage the brokenness. We’re barely treading water, so we can’t see or understand that God has allowed the broken pieces to float around us, so that we can grab them and hang on. Because of the broken pieces, we can be saved.

I have a lot of broken pieces in my life. There are some broken pieces that I thought I had super glued back together, only to learn recently that all the glue in the world cannot hold some things together. As hard as I had worked to rebuild something that was never there to begin with, it all came crashing down yet again.

I’ve been struggling with this thing, this relationship. I have never understood it, never have been able to come to an understanding why what should have always been a very basic, steady, solid relationship in my life has been anything but that. Instead, it seems to have always been a volatile one that, at one time, yanked my emotions harshly from one extreme to another.

It is one that I have worked on for many years. I had a lot of anger, bitterness, and even hatred in my heart towards this person at one time. It took a few years before I could finally come to the realization that all this negative energy was only hurting myself and my spirit. After I was able to forgive, it seemed like things were slowly beginning to get better, and the possibility of a real relationship with this person was looking up.

But then out of nowhere they turned on me. A simple comment from me—something that was meant only as a joke, and nothing more—was twisted into something very different. What followed was shocking, sad, and totally unexpected. Since then, although I’ve been sad at the events, but I have also recognized that (A) the devil loves to try to use things from our past to cause trouble, (B) he is the father of lies and (C) I only control my actions, thoughts, words, and deeds; I can’t change anything else.

I know I’m probably talking in riddles to most of you. But to say the least, these broken pieces have been here my entire life. I think some of you will understand what I mean, because you have broken pieces that have been in your life forever, too. Even though I thought I’d patched them up and fixed them well enough, I was wrong, and they all became broken again.

Last night, though, I finally understood. I’ve been looking at these broken pieces the wrong way. I’ve been seeing them as something bad, something sad, something ugly. And while they might be all those things, they are also a blessing in my life. I just couldn’t see that until now. At one time in my life I only saw those broken pieces as horrible parts of my past I wanted to forget—they made me untrusting of others, have zero self-esteem, unable to say, “I’m sorry”, feel lonely and empty inside, like I didn’t belong anywhere, etc. Now I see the broken pieces as a blessing from God—they made me hold on tighter to God, refined a deeper strength within me, taught me how to be a Godly wife and mother, etc.

Thank God for all the broken pieces of my life—they truly did save me! I’m not going to question God any more about them. I’m going to grab hold of them, hang on, and swim towards the shore until my feet touch sand. I know God has a plan for it all; I’m trusting Him to refine me and lead me to that shore, where those broken pieces will all come together, like a jigsaw puzzle, to glorify God.

I have a testimony

Revelation 12:11 “And they overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony…”

The devil has been trying his best to attack me this week. The best place to find strength this morning was in the Word, and this scripture popped up first thing. I need to overcome Satan right now, so I'm going to share a testimony with you. (In your face, Satan!)

Several years ago, after I gave birth to my son, I suffered through post-partum depression. It was bad, and I didn't have a clue what was wrong with me. All I knew was that I couldn't stop crying and I had no desire to hold my new baby, which made me cry even more. When Robert finally insisted I go to the doctor, I was diagnosed with PPD.

I started taking medications and by the end of the first month, I started feeling a lot better. I stayed on the medication for not quite a year, and after a consultation with my family doctor, I weaned myself off them. At first, I was fine, but then as more time passed, I felt myself slipping back into a depressive state again.

This was the beginning of a time period in which I went in and out of depression after depression. I had suicidal thoughts at times. Most of the time I wanted to just dig a hole, climb into it and never come back out again. I turned into a reclue, hiding away from the world. What I couldn't see then was that this was a spiritual warfare, and had nothing to do with my body. (In the beginning it did start as an imbalance in my body. Isn't that how the devil loves to work? He picks at a *real* scab to make it bleed, then once you've healed, he tricks you attacks you again and tries to make you believe it's still that same problem....when in reality, his main goal is to steal, kill, and destroy.)

For a few years, I went through cycles of going back on depression medicine, then getting off, only to get back on them again. In 2006, my family and I moved to Louisiana. At the time, I was off the medication and felt like I was literally going to lose my mind. I reached a point where I felt desperate for medication to help me, but we didn't have two nickles to rub together, so it was out of the question. (Another Christian irony...why do we always wait until we have nowhere else to turn, but God, before we seek His help?)

It was during this time that our church held a long series of revival meetings with Bro. & Sis. Lorman. One night, Bro. Lorman gathered some ministers and men of God at the front, and told the church that if anyone needed a healing, to form a prayer line. I was at my lowest point then, and so very desperate to be free from the torment of depression. I got in that prayer line and when I received prayer, I told God, "I can't do this anymore. You have to take this from me. Please touch my mind!" And He did. I was healed and am free from depression since that night.

I still have my struggles--don't we all? Nobody promised this life would be easy. But I praise God and thank Him that He touched my mind and freed me from that struggle and burden. Medicine couldn't do it for me. Only Jesus.

PRAISE GOD, I AM FREE FROM DEPRESSION!

Longing

I feel like the last three months of my life have been a whirlwind that I was swept up in. So many changes, so many things happening. And when I feel like I just might have a handle on things, something else happens to trip me yet again. Somehow I manage to get back up, though.

The last few weeks have been particularly challenging for me. Without going into great detail, I have questioned many aspects of my life. I’ve questioned myself. I’ve questioned my own motives, thoughts, abilities, actions, etc. And there has been a deep, almost painful longing within me for something more. More from my relationships. More from my friendships. More from my family. More from me. Most of all, more of God.

I have drifted again. It’s almost as if the rocky waves of my life push me in the wrong direction spiritually. As it has been quoted so often, “The more I want to do good, I do bad.” I don’t intentionally push God away. And it isn’t even that I’ve done that. I’ve just become very slack in reading the Bible, praying, meditating. I’ve allowed “stuff” to consume my thoughts and time, rather than turning to the One who holds all the answers.

I’m turning this around. I have to. I need God, more now than ever before. I need His guidance, direction, strength, and encouragement. I need my Father. And I think He needs me, too.

Thank God for You

I thank my God every time I remember you.
    -- Philippians 1:3

I know today is a day for sweethearts. It’s a special day to remember to tell your sweetie how much you love him/her. But this morning, my heart is in a different place. Today I’m thinking about someone very special to me that isn’t on this earth anymore. So I just want to take a few moments to remember her.

Cindy Martin was a very special woman. Her daughter, Sarah, and I quickly became best friends when I moved to Tennessee in 1994. In Sarah, I found a kindred spirit, something I’d never experienced before. As our friendship blossomed, I also began to get to know her parents and family better, too.

Cindy was a no-nonsense kind of person. She didn’t mind telling me when she thought I did wrong. That was something I appreciated about her. She kind of took me under her wing, mothering me when I was motherless. She gave me advice about life and dating and marriage and having babies.

The year my daughter was born, 1999, cancer claimed Cindy’s life. She fought it tooth and nail to the very end. I’ve never seen someone so strong, in such a weak condition. Even though she knew the cancer was taking its toll, her spirit never broke. She was strong in her faith in God. She knew where she was going when she was finally done with this mortal ground.

The morning I got the phone call, I was on my way to get groceries. (Thank God for cell phones!) I immediately turned around and ran back home so I could change and go be with Sarah. It was a sad, yet happy day and I didn’t want Sarah to be alone through it all.

Thinking back, I’m a little sad that I never told Cindy how much she meant to me. I wish I had taken the time to express my feelings toward her. In so many ways, she became the mother I never had. She was my spiritual mother as well. I wonder if she even knows the impact she had on my life, or how much I appreciated her.

This morning I want to remind you…

If you love someone, tell them. Don’t wait. We have no promise of tomorrow. We are only given this very moment in time. Use it wisely.

I thank my God every time I think of you, Cindy Martin. I hope you are dancing on the hills of glory with Sis. Shirley, waiting for me and Sarah to join you!

What are you wearing?

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
- Colossians 3:12, New International Version

In the intoxicating rush of the holiday season, do you find yourself almost running on auto-pilot at times? Do you walk by the bell ringers without so much as a sideways glance? Do you rush past fellow shoppers, in a hurry to grab your goodies and run? It's really easy to be sucked into the madness.

You don't have to give away a ton of money that you don't even have, or buy presents for misfortunate children when you can't even afford to buy for your own. As God's children, we do have a responsibility, though, to share and display the five virtues as listed in the scripture above.

The next time you feel yourself rushing and ignoring everyone else around you, stop. Breathe a prayer of thanksgiving. Then show compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience to others.

Neglect Not The Body

"For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself."
- 1 Corinthians 11:29

I receive several quotes and scriptures daily via email. When this one landed this morning, I sort of skimmed over it. I've heard this scripture used many times, most often during communion services. Just as I hit the delete button to trash the email with this verse, though, I received a bit of insight...I believe, from God.

This scripture is most commonly used to depict the importance of a sober spirit before one takes communion. Often, we are admonished to take stock of ourselves and consider whether or not there is anything inside us that should not be, lest we take communion and be guilty of taking it in vain. However, I think there is another meaning to this scripture that we have overlooked, one that has nothing to do with eating and drinking in the physical sense.

1 Corinthians 12:27 (NIV) states, "Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." Every one of us play a unique role in forming the body of Christ. Some are fingers, some are the neck, some the nose. But together, as a whole, we collectively form His body. When one of us is hurting or struggling, the entire body should feel that illness as well.

The trouble is, today lends itself to a fast-pace, in-your-face lifestyle. We get in such a big hurry that we often overlook hurting parts of the body. We assume someone else will reach out. We neglect the pained and sore members, leaving them to fend for themselves.

According to 1 Corinthians 11:29, when we continue to live and go about our lives like nothing is wrong, when we know fully well that there are those around us who need support and love, we are bringing judgement upon ourselves.

This scripture also applies to those who are too busy to fellowship with the body of Christ as well. Hebrews 10:25 (Amplified) says, "Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching." If you are too busy working (or playing) to attend regular services, you are placing your soul in great danger. We all need each other. As the time of rapture nears, we need to encourage each other and lift each other in the spirit, so that we can all be ready to hear Him say, "Welcome, my faithful child."

Bearing Fruit

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
- John 15:4 (NIV)

Have you ever attempted to do something that you knew in your heart wasn't right? You probably struggled against the grain, trying to prove to yourself and everyone else that you could do it. But in the end, you relinquished your hold and let go of the thing you held on to for so long, ending up empty-handed.

When we step outside the will of God, we usually end up that way: empty, barren, fruitless. Ironically, we also usually stand around, scratching our head, wondering why the end result is so poor.

The scary thing is, when God tells us to do something and we refuse, walk away, and follow after our own lusts, He can pluck us from the vine. Matthew (chapter 21) gives us an example of Jesus cursing a fruitless fig tree. He was hungry and noticed a fig tree, but the tree bore no fruit, and was only filled with leaves. When Jesus told the tree it would never bear fruit again, the tree immediately withered and died.

I don't want to be like that fruitless fig tree. I want to bear sweet, healthy, hearty fruit for Jesus. But the only way I can do that is if I stay in Him. I have to stay in the body of Christ. I must seek after God's will and be willing to be an obedient servant when He instructs me.

Incompatible Plans

"We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it."
- Proverbs 16:9 (The Message)

I've increased my personal prayers lately, with regards to God's will for my life. So many times, I am led astray by my own desires and dreams. To be honest, I'm tired of stepping outside His will, just to follow after my own.

I can look back over my 32 years on this earth and give you specific instances when I made the wrong choice or decision about something and stepped outside the will of God. Those times brought heartache and pain. Eventually, I reached a breaking point, which inevitably returned me to the foot of the cross, where I found grace, forgiveness, and mercy yet again.

I'm tired of doing this over and over again. I want to believe I've learned my lesson, but honestly, I'm not sure I have.

This human nature causes me to want certain things. Those things aren't always what is best for me. I can't see the future, but God can. He knows right now what will happen in months and years to come. Steps I take today that are not ordained by Him could lead me down a path of destruction. But only God knows this. And that is why I have to turn to Him and inquire of His will before I ever make a decision.

Far too often, our plans are not compatible with God's plans for our lives. We usually struggle with this, too, because the plans God has for us are usually so far beyond our comprehension that we can't understand why He won't allow us to have what we want right now. We can't see the good things that will come, if we hold to His hand and trust in Him to lead the way.

I want God to guide me. I want my words to be His. I want my thoughts to be guided by Him. I want to go where He wants me to go, and do what He wants me to do. I don't want to worry anymore about what others might think of me. God is the only One who matters. He is the only One I need to please and serve.