Managers of our Homes – Part 1

Introduction

I was originally going to direct this thought towards stay-at-home-moms/women, but then I decided this isn’t only relevant to at-home women, but to all of us women. We’ve all read and studied the Proverbs 31 woman, and I’ll be the first to admit that so many of us have discussed it that sometimes it seems a tad redundant. But if we seek to be more like Christ and follow His teachings and the Word, nothing therein should ever become redundant to us. So I’m going to dive back into this portion of scripture again and share something that has been on my heart for a few weeks now.

Embrace a different frame of mind

I think one reason why some women don’t agree with the Proverbs 31 woman is because it’s easier to just live your life the way you want to. And for some, the Proverbs 31 woman seems to be a woman of the “old days”…and we’ve moved beyond that, right? Wrong.

We may not have to gather wheat in the fields anymore, or sew or own clothes by hand with a thread and needle, but the basic principles still remain the same. The only way we can come to understand this better is to change the way we think. As women, we have a huge responsibility, especially when there are children involved. Yes, the man is biblically the head of our household, but as women, we have a huge and intricate part of our household as well.

I guess after going through one deployment and living alone for the first time in years, for a year-and-a-half, and now going through a second deployment, has really opened my eyes to things that I think a lot of [married] women take for granted. Even though I’d always been an independent person, after marrying my husband, and then eventually becoming a stay-at-home-mom/wife, I came to depend totally on him for everything. I was no longer working and earning my own portion of the household income. I had to learn to look to my husband to provide for the needs of our family.

Through both of these deployments, I’ve been forced to learn how to rely on myself to do a lot of things again without any help: mowing the lawn, taking out the trash on garbage day, maintenance on both vehicles, paying the bills each month, etc. And I have come to realize that even when my husband is at home, I still have big responsibilities as a wife, mother, and woman. Some of the load and burden will shift when there are two of us to carry it, but there are basic responsibilities there that I can’t ignore. One of them, I have come to learn, is being the manager of my home.

Before you can become a manager of your home, you truly have to first embrace a totally different perspective—of yourself and your place in your home. Until this happens, reading the rest of this probably either won’t make much sense to you, or you might find it silly and nonsense.

Clutter Dump

This morning I stumbled across this blog post, where the writer started a 10 Things Challenge, in an effort to get rid of ten things per week. I really like this idea. I’ve been ignoring an urge to dig through closets and boxes and do a huge clutter dump from my house. Reading that blog post sparked the courage in me to get started this week.

I’ve been ignoring and procrastinating this because (a) I still have TONS of boxes shoved in every closet and free space in this house since our move in May and (b) I hate this kind of cleaning. I tend to make emotional attachments to non-essential items, thus making it very hard to get rid of anything. But the clutter is driving me crazy.

So I think I’ll follow suit of this blogger and start this week. I’m going to go on a search today and find 10 things to dump. That should be easy enough. Will update with a picture of my ten things when I’m ready.

5 Reasons Why I’m A Better Person Today

Sometimes I feel self-doubt creep in and start to question myself. Have I really grown? Am I refining myself like I need to? How am I changing into a better person? Most of the time when I start doubting myself, it’s because I have allowed outside circumstances to dominate my mind and time. One of the best ways to stop myself from heading into a tail spin is to define ways I’ve changed and grown. So I think I’ll do that this morning.

1. I’m learning from my mistakes.

We all make mistakes, but we don’t always learn from them. I’ve been working very hard on learning from the mistakes I made. Mostly, because I don’t want to repeat them again. If I mess up, I want to pinpoint where, why, and how it happened because I don’t want to do the same thing again. There’s always a lesson in every mistake, if I dig deep enough to find it.

2. I’m taking responsibility for my own actions.

It would be incredibly easy for me to take on a victim role and start blaming other people for everything I think is going wrong in my life. But I have learned that blaming others not only covers up the heart of the problem, but it causes me to become blind to areas of my life I need to work on. I am responsible for my own life. Nobody can force me to say or do anything I don’t want to. If I mess up, it is my fault, nobody else’s.

3. I’m learning to be in control of myself.

Accepting responsibility for my actions holds hands with me being in control of myself. If I can’t maintain a level of self-control, it’s a lot easier to point the finger of blame at others. This is one area that I still am working diligently to refine because it’s one of my weaker qualities. It’s so easy to jump to conclusions or be defensive (and sometimes I still am). I pray many times throughout nearly ever day for God to help me to control my thoughts and my tongue. I know if my mind is under submission to God, my tongue will follow. Best of all, my heart will remain in the right place as well. Self-control is a powerful tool against Satan.

4. I have more self-respect.

There was a time when I had absolutely no self-esteem. I felt worthless and empty. It took some time, but I built a foundation of self-esteem. There are times when I still struggle with it, but that does not nearly plague me like it once did. I know that I am a good person, with a good heart, no matter what anyone else says or thinks about me. And because I’ve learned this, I have begun to build a tower of self-respect in my life. I’ve learned that when I don’t respect myself, neither will others.

5. I’m learning how to stand up for myself.

When I married Robert, he was the first person in my life that ever truly loved me unconditionally. He made me feel loved and protected, like nothing in this world could ever hurt me again, because he’d be right there to make sure I was protected from all ugliness. Because I’d never felt this measure of trust or strength, I came to rely on him a little too much. I depended on him to fight my battles for me, and take up for me. While that’s okay, and I believe a husband and wife should form such a partnership, I really needed to learn how to stand  up for myself. Inside, I’d been a scared little girl my entire life. With this second deployment, though, I am learning that I am not that little girl anymore. The things that once stood in my way and loomed over my head don’t hold that power anymore. I am a strong woman, deserving of respect. And I know now that, while it’s nice to know Rob has my back, I can take care of myself, too.

How have you changed and grown over the last few years?

I have a testimony

Revelation 12:11 “And they overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony…”

The devil has been trying his best to attack me this week. The best place to find strength this morning was in the Word, and this scripture popped up first thing. I need to overcome Satan right now, so I'm going to share a testimony with you. (In your face, Satan!)

Several years ago, after I gave birth to my son, I suffered through post-partum depression. It was bad, and I didn't have a clue what was wrong with me. All I knew was that I couldn't stop crying and I had no desire to hold my new baby, which made me cry even more. When Robert finally insisted I go to the doctor, I was diagnosed with PPD.

I started taking medications and by the end of the first month, I started feeling a lot better. I stayed on the medication for not quite a year, and after a consultation with my family doctor, I weaned myself off them. At first, I was fine, but then as more time passed, I felt myself slipping back into a depressive state again.

This was the beginning of a time period in which I went in and out of depression after depression. I had suicidal thoughts at times. Most of the time I wanted to just dig a hole, climb into it and never come back out again. I turned into a reclue, hiding away from the world. What I couldn't see then was that this was a spiritual warfare, and had nothing to do with my body. (In the beginning it did start as an imbalance in my body. Isn't that how the devil loves to work? He picks at a *real* scab to make it bleed, then once you've healed, he tricks you attacks you again and tries to make you believe it's still that same problem....when in reality, his main goal is to steal, kill, and destroy.)

For a few years, I went through cycles of going back on depression medicine, then getting off, only to get back on them again. In 2006, my family and I moved to Louisiana. At the time, I was off the medication and felt like I was literally going to lose my mind. I reached a point where I felt desperate for medication to help me, but we didn't have two nickles to rub together, so it was out of the question. (Another Christian irony...why do we always wait until we have nowhere else to turn, but God, before we seek His help?)

It was during this time that our church held a long series of revival meetings with Bro. & Sis. Lorman. One night, Bro. Lorman gathered some ministers and men of God at the front, and told the church that if anyone needed a healing, to form a prayer line. I was at my lowest point then, and so very desperate to be free from the torment of depression. I got in that prayer line and when I received prayer, I told God, "I can't do this anymore. You have to take this from me. Please touch my mind!" And He did. I was healed and am free from depression since that night.

I still have my struggles--don't we all? Nobody promised this life would be easy. But I praise God and thank Him that He touched my mind and freed me from that struggle and burden. Medicine couldn't do it for me. Only Jesus.

PRAISE GOD, I AM FREE FROM DEPRESSION!

Personal Themes

After reading about my friend setting a yearly theme for herself, I pondered on that idea for quite some time. I read the article she referred to, but it still needed time to sink in. This morning I realized that even though I didn’t consciously set a yearly theme for myself for 2009, I’ve actually had one (or more) all along.

Make new friends.

This is something I’ve struggled with for several years now. It has never been easy for me to make new friends. I tend to be overly cautious and wary of opening up to new people. This year, though, I have made some new friends that I hope to build lifelong relationships with.

No more outside influences.

For almost my entire life, I felt like I lived for everyone else. I did what was expected (or what I thought others expected from me). I wouldn’t make waves because I didn’t want to be labeled as rebellious or rude. In fact, until just over three years ago, I had become so miserable with living my life according to others that I didn’t even have the desire to live another day.

In the last 6-12 months my eyes have been opened to a lot of things. I’m not living my life for anyone else but me. And if others don’t like it, well, then…I’ve learned that is their problem, not mine.

Become empowered through education.

This is the one thing I am most proud of. For just over a year now, I have been in college, working on that once-elusive degree. I’m almost half-way to earning my bachelor’s degree and I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. When I finally decided to do this, once and for all, it was like I dug my heels into the ground and nothing can stop me now.

What’s to come

I don’t know what the next 6-12 months has in store for me. Maybe I will sit down and set a personal theme for myself, now that I can see how far I’ve recently come. Either way, I know that my life is evolving and I am slowly becoming more of what I hope to be, instead of fretting over others’ expectations. It feels great!