September 14, 2009

Thank God For The Broken Pieces

broken pieces Last night my pastor preached an awesome message, under the anointing of the Holy Ghost. For a brief summary, he preached that God has provided the broken pieces in our lives so that we can be saved. But all too often, we worry about the broken mess in our life, and become frantic, feeling like there’s no way we can salvage the brokenness. We’re barely treading water, so we can’t see or understand that God has allowed the broken pieces to float around us, so that we can grab them and hang on. Because of the broken pieces, we can be saved.

I have a lot of broken pieces in my life. There are some broken pieces that I thought I had super glued back together, only to learn recently that all the glue in the world cannot hold some things together. As hard as I had worked to rebuild something that was never there to begin with, it all came crashing down yet again.

I’ve been struggling with this thing, this relationship. I have never understood it, never have been able to come to an understanding why what should have always been a very basic, steady, solid relationship in my life has been anything but that. Instead, it seems to have always been a volatile one that, at one time, yanked my emotions harshly from one extreme to another.

It is one that I have worked on for many years. I had a lot of anger, bitterness, and even hatred in my heart towards this person at one time. It took a few years before I could finally come to the realization that all this negative energy was only hurting myself and my spirit. After I was able to forgive, it seemed like things were slowly beginning to get better, and the possibility of a real relationship with this person was looking up.

But then out of nowhere they turned on me. A simple comment from me—something that was meant only as a joke, and nothing more—was twisted into something very different. What followed was shocking, sad, and totally unexpected. Since then, although I’ve been sad at the events, but I have also recognized that (A) the devil loves to try to use things from our past to cause trouble, (B) he is the father of lies and (C) I only control my actions, thoughts, words, and deeds; I can’t change anything else.

I know I’m probably talking in riddles to most of you. But to say the least, these broken pieces have been here my entire life. I think some of you will understand what I mean, because you have broken pieces that have been in your life forever, too. Even though I thought I’d patched them up and fixed them well enough, I was wrong, and they all became broken again.

Last night, though, I finally understood. I’ve been looking at these broken pieces the wrong way. I’ve been seeing them as something bad, something sad, something ugly. And while they might be all those things, they are also a blessing in my life. I just couldn’t see that until now. At one time in my life I only saw those broken pieces as horrible parts of my past I wanted to forget—they made me untrusting of others, have zero self-esteem, unable to say, “I’m sorry”, feel lonely and empty inside, like I didn’t belong anywhere, etc. Now I see the broken pieces as a blessing from God—they made me hold on tighter to God, refined a deeper strength within me, taught me how to be a Godly wife and mother, etc.

Thank God for all the broken pieces of my life—they truly did save me! I’m not going to question God any more about them. I’m going to grab hold of them, hang on, and swim towards the shore until my feet touch sand. I know God has a plan for it all; I’m trusting Him to refine me and lead me to that shore, where those broken pieces will all come together, like a jigsaw puzzle, to glorify God.

September 11, 2009

Home Management 101 – Part 1

home management

Read the Managers of Our Homes series to learn more.

As I created my Household Notebook, it opened my eyes to how I had been allowing some things to slip through my fingers because I either wasn’t paying attention to them, or hadn’t thought of them in the first place. Another thing I learned was that that are many facets to running a home, and my diamond needed some polishing—ASAP.

So my HN became my guidebook, my command center of operations. And it has truly helped me in many ways. The most important aspect of it, I think, is that it keeps everything in one place. All my budgets, financial planning worksheets, Bible studies, school schedules, etc. are all in my notebook. When I started adding personal items to it, like a project idea sheet, I realized this notebook is much more important than I’d originally realized. As I keep my notebook updated and organized, I can think much more clearly, and best of all, everything I need is at my fingertips. All I have to do is open my notebook and flip open the section I need.

Bible-based concepts on Home Management for women

My Household Notebook play a huge role in my home management. But there are other things I’m learning along the way as well about being a good manager of my home. My findings are scripturally-based, and I continue to seek and study the Word to refine my home management skills. So here are some of those lessons:

Home Manager: A wise woman, who oversees the physical, spiritual, emotional, and financial needs of her family.

1. A home manager is trustworthy and charitable.

*Proverbs 31:11-12: “Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.”

We woman are the core of our homes. Honesty and trustworthiness begins with us. As the manager of my home, if I am dishonest with my husband or children, it erodes not only our personal bonds, but my family unit as well. My husband must know in his heart that he can trust me in any situation or circumstance. He should never have reason to doubt me, and above all, I should never give him reason to regret trusting me. Once trust is broken, it is very hard to earn back.

Verse 12 is one that I think many women have a problem with. What’s the first thing you tend to do when you’re mad at your husband? If you’re human, you probably want to lash out at him. You might even have a streak of spitefulness in you and try to figure out how you can even the score with him. If you want to be a good Home Manager, you have to stop this. You have to learn to be giving and have an open heart.

This was one of the main things that made me fall in love with my husband—he has a huge heart. There were times when I couldn’t understand how he could forgive and forget so easily when someone did him wrong, then turn around and help them in the next instant when they needed help. I model myself after him (although I do struggle with this at times). I want to be like that: compassionate, bighearted, generous in all I say and do.

2. A home manager is thrifty and frugal when necessary.

*Proverbs 31:13-14: “She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.”

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t fallen on hard times at some point in their life. Unfortunately, if you don’t learn how to be frugal before this happens, you’ll be forced to learn it then. This isn’t to say that you have to be cheap, but I think sometimes we waste a lot of money—and time—on things that aren’t necessary, or aren’t good for us.

The best thing about being frugal with your money is that you learn how to get around price tags and become more creative and adventurous. You learn to think outside the box, instead of just grabbing something off the shelf and doling out too much money to pay for it, or worse yet, charging it to a high-interest credit card when you know you can’t afford it in the first place. Believe me, I’m not preaching about something I don’t know anything about. Been there, done that, have the scars to prove it. (Maybe one day I’ll share more about this, too.) So I know what I’m talking about when I say that although you might get that temporary high from doing what everyone else is doing, you will come crashing down.

One thing that really disturbs me is watching women chase after elaborate, expensive things in an effort to keep up with others, or make others believe they have more money than they truly do. (Look back at #1. This principle applies to everyone in your life, not just your husband/family.) Be real. Be you. When you create an imaginary life built on dishonesty, you will eventually become so twisted and entangled in the deceit that you will become empty, unhappy, and broken inside.

For me, thriftiness and frugal living doesn’t only apply to money matters. It applies to my time as well. It took many years for me to finally learn this. My time is just as, if not more than, important than my finances. When I allow my time to be eroded away by listening to people gripe or gossip, or when I’m surrounded by negative people all the time, this rubs off on my spirit. I can have the most positive attitude ever, but if I constantly give my time to negative people, chances are, that pessimistic attitude is going to end up rubbing off on me. And because I’m the manager of my home, guess who that bad attitude will become present in next? You guessed it….my family. So I have become much more aware of this and work diligently towards guarding my time against such socialization.

3. A home manager attends to her families needs and has good time management skills.

*Proverbs 31:15: “She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.”

Proverbs 31:21: “She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.”

I can hear what some of you are thinking right now: ‘But I hate cooking! And up before dawn?! Are you crazy??’

home managementI’m not going to sit here and tell you that you need to get up early every morning and cook a full breakfast for your family. If you enjoy doing that, great! The point I do want to make here is that as a Home Manager, it is our responsibility to make sure our family has what they need. Make sure your children have breakfast, whether it’s a bowl of cereal or scrambled eggs and biscuits. See to it they have lunch money for school, or that their socks are still in good shape. My family is a reflection of me, so I want to be sure they have what they need to be successful and confident each day.

Most of all, I have been entrusted with 24 hours a day. At least 10 of those hours are for sleeping, for the kids (not quite so much for me). That leaves 14 hours for them. They are at school 7 1/2 hours a day during the week. That gives us about 6-6.5 hours together per day, excluding weekends. If I am not wise in time management, those few precious hours can be easily squandered away.

That concept aside, if I don’t organize my time each day, there is a much greater chance that I will end up wasting a lot of time on something pointless. In addition, there are always appointments to be kept, places we need to go, and things that must be done on a certain day, at a specific time. If I am late for everything because I forgot about it, this is not a positive reflection on me or my family. Instead, this tells others that I don’t value my time, thus I don’t value theirs, either.

4. A home manager saves money, is a sage investor, and uses her profits wisely.

*Proverbs 31:16: “She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.”

I am not the smartest when it comes to investing money in the stock market. I don’t know anything about savings bonds. But I can always learn. I think this is something that trips some women and I’m hoping to encourage us all to do something about it. I’ve always very much been a DIY kind of person. If I want to do something, I figure out how to do it. I might study and read up on it for months, or maybe even a few years, but I’ll figure out a way to get that thing done. I think we should take the same approach with our money. If you, like me, aren’t wise in the world of investing, let’s learn about it so we can discover ways to make our money work for us.

Otherwise, I might not know much about that, but I do know how to save money. Even if you don’t understanding big bank investing, anyone can go to a bank with $100 and open a savings account. Even though it won’t yield much in return, you will be saving money. Another good idea is a Christmas club account. Lots of banks offer this way to save any amount of money throughout the year, then empty your account at the end of the year and send you a check. No worries about how you’re going to buy presents!

Likewise, as Home Managers, we have an important duty of thinking things through before we spend money on anything. Think of the field in this scripture as a metaphor. Before you drop a lot of money on a new wardrobe, ask yourself if you really need it? Or do you want new clothes because you’re trying to maintain appearances among others? When you look at the price tag on that pretty dress, do you think about how much this will set you back on your budget, then wait a couple of weeks to see if it will go on sale, or do you spend money out of your grocery budget because you “just have to have it”?

5. A home manager isn’t afraid of hard work and recognizes its importance.

*Proverbs 31:17-19: “First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.”

As managers of our homes, we have to understand the importance of hard work. Whether you are at home, like me, or work outside the home, this applies to all of us. If we greet the day with woe and laziness, our time will be squandered away. At the very least, our bad attitude about what we “have” to do will be noticeable to everyone we come in contact with.

In addition, we home managers must not quit until our work is done. We have to come to an understanding that what we do is important. Whether it’s washing dishes, or running a multi-million dollar business, we all hold great and important work. My family depends on me to fulfill my duties. When I don’t, everyone is affected, not just me.

6. A home manager displays a kind, helping spirit.

*Proverbs 31:20: “She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.”

This is, I think, a very important lesson to learn, because I believe when we can grab hold of it, we will open up a whole new world of blessings. I know a woman who gives and can never say no to people who ask for help, but she doesn’t want to do any of it. She gives, but in her heart, holds one fist clenched. Even though she gives, she doesn’t have a giving heart.

This is an important lesson we can teach our children, through our examples of giving with a loving heart. Deuteronomy 15:10-11 (The Message) points this out clearly, “Give freely and spontaneously. Don’t have a stingy heart. The way you handle matters like this triggers God, your God’s blessing in everything you do, all your work and ventures. There are always going to be poor and needy people among you. So I command you: Always be generous, open purse and hands, give to your neighbors in trouble, your poor and hurting neighbors.”

In addition to giving financially, such as in offerings and special pledges, I believe it is important to give of our time as well. Dedicating special time for prayer and meditation, lending a volunteer hand, or pitching in where you know help is needed and not asking for anything in return are just a few ways of doing so.

More lessons to learn

These six things provide a great starting point for learning how to be good managers of our homes. There are many more lessons to learn from this passage of scripture and as I study them through, I’ll share more of what I’m learning with you.

I hope this series is blessing you as much as it is me!

*The Message version.

Managers of our Homes – The Series

If you missed any of this 3-part series I’ve been writing, about managing our homes, here are the links to all three parts:

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

September 10, 2009

Managers of our Homes – Part 3

How to Become a Mom, CEO (aka. Home Manager)

home manager Now that we’ve laid a foundation for this series, I am going to discuss some things I’ve personally begun doing in my own home. I’ll probably also share ideas of ways I plan to continue building on this. I’m not saying I have the answers to all this; I’m learning as I go. One thing I know for sure, since I started embracing the role of Mom, CEO of my home, it has definitely changed a lot of things for me. So let’s get started…

First, I’ll share a little background about myself, in case you don’t personally know me. I’ve been mostly at home for the last 10+ years. I’ve taken the occasional part-time job to help out with finances a few times as needed, but for the most part, I’ve been fortunate enough to have been at home to raise our children. I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t always used this time wisely. But I am learning more and more that each day is a gift from God, and every second of the 24 hours He gives me each day is a blessing I can’t afford to mess around with. So I am striving to become a better time manager, in addition to other things.

Second, this concept of being a Home Manager is nothing new. There are books out there you can pick up and read, which would probably provide you a lot more in-depth information and research than what I’m giving you. I am simply sharing from my heart about a transformation I’m undergoing, in hopes that some of you might share your own as well, if you’ve experienced the same thing. I am a firm believer that we can all learn something from each other. And women should especially be more open to sharing and learning from one another. I love this portion of scripture from Titus 2:3-5, of the Amplified version:

“Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink. They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble, So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children, To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited).”

The Household Notebook

I think the beginning of my understanding started taking shape earlier this year when I decided to make myself a Household Notebook. After Rob left, I sat down with all our bills and immediately became frustrated, scared, and nervous when I saw just how much debt we were under. You don’t really realize the amount of debt you have if you don’t make a list and add it all up. Paying $50 here, $225 there doesn’t really make you see how much debt you have. Tallying a total, though, might be mind-boggling if you’ve never done it.

As I sat there with all our bills, I decided then and there that I could either ignore the problem, or I could do something about it. And I knew that with Rob being gone for about a year could either be a turning point for us, or make no effect at all (because our income would increase just a bit). It was then that I purposed in my heart to buckle down, make a plan, and stick to the plan to see some positive changes and results before Rob came back home from Iraq.

It was right then that I realized I could either play around (with my time and money), or I could get serious about our situation (not that it was bad, but I want better for us) and change the course of our path. I have dreams and goals for our family, and I knew that if things didn’t change for us, all those dreams and goals would sprout wings and fly away.

With Robert gone, and the sole responsibility of running and maintaining our household falling totally on my shoulders, I grasped right then and there the importance of me stepping up and taking charge. It was a mental shift, more than anything, when it became clear to me that I am truly the manager of my home. If the water bill goes unpaid and they shut off the water, it’s nobody’s fault but mine. I can’t make excuses and lay blame because I am solely responsible for what happens in our family right now.

And this is the mindset I think I should have had many years ago, but now that I understood it, it suddenly made me feel a lot more important….to my husband, to my children, to our family, but most of all, to myself. If I am managing our home and things go awry that are within reason of my doing something about them, it’s my fault. This was a huge dose of the reality of responsibility I needed. Thus, the birth of my Household Notebook.

As I started building my HN, I felt a surge of excitement and hope course through me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Yes, it was scary listing all our debt and adding up the total. But by facing the scariness of this and doing it anyway, I totally knocked out all fear and felt courage rise within myself, and confidence that we can do whatever it takes to make our family successful.

Here’s the secret: No matter how much you avoid something, it’s still there. It will remain there, like an ugly monster growing bigger every day. Work up your courage to face it, deal with it, meet it head-on.

The fear of the unknown is always worse than knowing what you are dealing with. So if you’ve been struggling in your finances, and you don’t really know what your total debt is, that might be one clue as to why you are still struggling. This is such a simple concept, but one that I ignored and avoided at all costs for a really long time. I didn’t want to know what our total debt was. It was too scary. We struggled to make ends meet for many years. Looking back now, I see that we were flopping in the wind, with no plan at all. That’s why we never got anywhere.

Here’s another secret tip: No plan, no destination.

If you’re going on a road trip to some place you’ve never been to before, are you going to load up your family, get in the car, and just start driving, hoping you’ll get where you want to go? Of course not! You’re going to plan the entire trip with maps, marking rest stops, the best dining areas, and fun pit stops along the way. You’ll probably even figure out more than one possible route, to find the quickest or shortest distance. You’ll plan even further for your trip by stocking up on snacks and drinks, if it’s a long trip, and deciding where the half-way point is to stop and rest overnight. If you’d take such great measures to plan a road trip, why not create a life plan?

So the household notebook is one step in becoming a good Home Manager. You can click here to read more about how I created mine. If you have a Household Notebook, or something similar, leave a comment and share what your system is like.

Managers of our Homes– Part 2

Laying the Foundation

home managementTo become a manager, or land a supervisory position in the “real” working world, there are certain measures you must take. Unless you are super special, you won’t land a managerial position until you have knowledge and experience in that field. You have to have a proven track record that shows you can actually follow through and do what your resume says you can do for that company.

Becoming a manager of your home works much the same way. You might not understand or know everything necessary to running your home. But you can learn and grow daily and grow more confident in being a home manager.

Just like building a house, you have to begin laying a solid foundation as you embrace this new role as the manager of your home. A good foundation is always grounded in prayer and studying God’s Word. Through these, we can seek and find direction from God and gain wisdom, knowledge and understanding for things beyond our grasp of reasoning or experience.

Adding Walls and a Roof

The more we study and learn and grow, the more depth we can add to what we’re already doing. Maybe you think you’ve done a pretty good job so far without God’s help. While that might be true, why not just give God a try? Job 28:28 (KJV) states, “…the fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.” Why not ask Him for help, and see how much better you can do with His help?

Knowledge without wisdom won’t get you very far. Proverbs 4:6 (NIV) says, “Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.” I learned a long time ago that I don’t have all the answers I’ll ever need in life. Just when I think I’ve figured out something, I learn very quick that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did. But when I turn to God and ask him to open my eyes, heart, and mind, He never fails to guide and instruct me.

Fixing a Cracked Foundation

Maybe you feel like you started with a solid foundation, but have veered off the path and you aren’t sure anymore if you’re even worthy of God offering you help. If I don’t impart any other word of wisdom to you through this series, listen up and take note of this one thing: None of us are perfect. I fall and fall and fall again. I used to beat myself up while I was down, but God doesn’t expect or want that kind of behavior from us. So if you’re feeling this way, let me assure you, God will always provide correction for any problem you might have. So forget about perfection and mistakes. Ask for forgiveness, be covered afresh with His blood, then get back up, dust yourself off, and try again.