September 14, 2009

Thank God For The Broken Pieces

broken pieces Last night my pastor preached an awesome message, under the anointing of the Holy Ghost. For a brief summary, he preached that God has provided the broken pieces in our lives so that we can be saved. But all too often, we worry about the broken mess in our life, and become frantic, feeling like there’s no way we can salvage the brokenness. We’re barely treading water, so we can’t see or understand that God has allowed the broken pieces to float around us, so that we can grab them and hang on. Because of the broken pieces, we can be saved.

I have a lot of broken pieces in my life. There are some broken pieces that I thought I had super glued back together, only to learn recently that all the glue in the world cannot hold some things together. As hard as I had worked to rebuild something that was never there to begin with, it all came crashing down yet again.

I’ve been struggling with this thing, this relationship. I have never understood it, never have been able to come to an understanding why what should have always been a very basic, steady, solid relationship in my life has been anything but that. Instead, it seems to have always been a volatile one that, at one time, yanked my emotions harshly from one extreme to another.

It is one that I have worked on for many years. I had a lot of anger, bitterness, and even hatred in my heart towards this person at one time. It took a few years before I could finally come to the realization that all this negative energy was only hurting myself and my spirit. After I was able to forgive, it seemed like things were slowly beginning to get better, and the possibility of a real relationship with this person was looking up.

But then out of nowhere they turned on me. A simple comment from me—something that was meant only as a joke, and nothing more—was twisted into something very different. What followed was shocking, sad, and totally unexpected. Since then, although I’ve been sad at the events, but I have also recognized that (A) the devil loves to try to use things from our past to cause trouble, (B) he is the father of lies and (C) I only control my actions, thoughts, words, and deeds; I can’t change anything else.

I know I’m probably talking in riddles to most of you. But to say the least, these broken pieces have been here my entire life. I think some of you will understand what I mean, because you have broken pieces that have been in your life forever, too. Even though I thought I’d patched them up and fixed them well enough, I was wrong, and they all became broken again.

Last night, though, I finally understood. I’ve been looking at these broken pieces the wrong way. I’ve been seeing them as something bad, something sad, something ugly. And while they might be all those things, they are also a blessing in my life. I just couldn’t see that until now. At one time in my life I only saw those broken pieces as horrible parts of my past I wanted to forget—they made me untrusting of others, have zero self-esteem, unable to say, “I’m sorry”, feel lonely and empty inside, like I didn’t belong anywhere, etc. Now I see the broken pieces as a blessing from God—they made me hold on tighter to God, refined a deeper strength within me, taught me how to be a Godly wife and mother, etc.

Thank God for all the broken pieces of my life—they truly did save me! I’m not going to question God any more about them. I’m going to grab hold of them, hang on, and swim towards the shore until my feet touch sand. I know God has a plan for it all; I’m trusting Him to refine me and lead me to that shore, where those broken pieces will all come together, like a jigsaw puzzle, to glorify God.