March 30, 2009

Finding My Footing

I haven’t blogged in a few weeks because I’ve been trying to find my footing. I also don’t find it as easy to blog about personal matters any more. I used to blog about everything from screwing up my weight loss to missing my husband while he was in Iraq. Now I find it difficult to open up and share very much, for fear it will be somehow used against me. I’ll set aside those apprehensions for now to give a brief update.

I’ve been on a break from school. I’ve actually changed schools and my major as well and feel so much better since. I finally realized the biggest reason why I’ve been struggling to make it through every class was largely due to me chasing a dead dream. Once I realized this, making the decision to change my major became incredibly simple and easy.

There are many things going on right now that pulls at me from every direction. Some days I feel like I’ll break. Of course, everybody insists that I’m strong so somehow I manage to pull through despite the pressure.

For now, I’m learning—yet again—how to create balance and maintain my sanity. Going through a repeat of what we went through a few short years ago isn’t any easier now than it was back then.

I’m also working on improving certain areas of my life, some of which I might decide to share about here for posterity sake. One thing I know for sure is life is anything but boring. :)

March 07, 2009

Longing

I feel like the last three months of my life have been a whirlwind that I was swept up in. So many changes, so many things happening. And when I feel like I just might have a handle on things, something else happens to trip me yet again. Somehow I manage to get back up, though.

The last few weeks have been particularly challenging for me. Without going into great detail, I have questioned many aspects of my life. I’ve questioned myself. I’ve questioned my own motives, thoughts, abilities, actions, etc. And there has been a deep, almost painful longing within me for something more. More from my relationships. More from my friendships. More from my family. More from me. Most of all, more of God.

I have drifted again. It’s almost as if the rocky waves of my life push me in the wrong direction spiritually. As it has been quoted so often, “The more I want to do good, I do bad.” I don’t intentionally push God away. And it isn’t even that I’ve done that. I’ve just become very slack in reading the Bible, praying, meditating. I’ve allowed “stuff” to consume my thoughts and time, rather than turning to the One who holds all the answers.

I’m turning this around. I have to. I need God, more now than ever before. I need His guidance, direction, strength, and encouragement. I need my Father. And I think He needs me, too.

March 03, 2009

Pay It Forward

If you have a few extra dollars and want to do something nice for someone else, click here to read Jenn’s post. It’s a good cause for a little boy that will be positively affected by your generosity. No amount is ever too small.