December 29, 2008

I Survived "The Move"

I'm happy to share that I've survived the 12-hour trip and our official move to north Mississippi. To say this past weekend was long, stressful, and emotional would be an understatement. But I survived to tell the story. LOL!

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

December 17, 2008

When a parent's job gets harder at Christmas

Em loves her Molly doll Every year Emily attempts to guess what's under the Christmas tree. The last two years she's gotten pretty good at it. What I didn't realize is that she also can't keep a secret anymore.

Last year she wanted a laptop. I thought it was a little too soon. She was only 8, after all, but Robert insisted she have her own laptop.

All the presents were wrapped under the tree, and of course, Emily had to shake and guess what they were. Every time she held the laptop box, she'd guess, "This is my laptop." We'd smile and act silly and try to throw her off. So when she opened the box and it was indeed a laptop, naturally, she said, "I told you I knew this was my laptop!"

This year the toy of the year for her was an American Girl doll. She's been on a kick all year, reading the books, watching the few movies they've made. She just loves American Girls. So I ordered her favorite, Molly, early, to be sure it would arrive in time for Christmas.

Because we are about to move, I decided to put up the Christmas tree early. Robert talked me into wrapping presents and placing them under the tree early, too. (No, seriously, he did. If it had been up to me I would have waited!) Instead of wrapping the Molly doll and all her accessories we bought together in one big box, I wrapped them individually to put under the tree. Wrong thing to do.

As soon as Emily saw the box, she "just knew" that was an American Girl doll. So we did everything we could to throw her off. But the child is just too old and too wise for our goofy parenting Christmas "tricks" anymore. We had our Christmas early (because of the move) last week and as you can see from the picture, she was pleased with her Molly doll. But that isn't the end of this pitiful story.

So last year we tried to throw her off about the laptop...but it was a laptop. This year we tried to throw her off about the American Girl doll...but it was a Molly doll. Okay, so obviously we aren't doing too well in the don't-make-it-easy-for-your-kids-to-guess-what's-under-the-tree department. :)

So we opened presents. The kids got all the toys they wanted. Robert got the metal detector he'd asked for. And finally everything settled down and they were in bed for the night. Robert came into our bedroom where I was resting in the bed, and giggled.

"What?" I asked.

He sat beside me on the bed. "I'm going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to get mad at Emily."

"Okay."

He proceeded to tell me that several days prior, Emily wanted him to try to guess what his present was. He acted silly and told her he didn't know what it could be.

"Well, I'll just give you one hint," she told him. "It's something you've ALWAYS wanted...and it's not a metal detector!"

When I asked her later why she told her daddy this, her response was (with a proud grin), "I was tricking Daddy, just like you and him tried to trick me about my laptop last year and my American Girl doll this year."

It's on, girl! Next year won't be so easy to guess what's in those packages. ;)

And next year I'm not telling her what her Daddy's present is, either!

Sickness, go away!

I'm still struggling to get better. I woke up with a terrible sore throat about three days ago. Two nights ago I slept all night, but last night was another rough one for me. I'm beginning to wonder if this crazy illness will ever go away.

The weather here isn't helping things either. Last Thursday we received 5"+ of snow. By Sunday, the temps were warming again. Monday we were back in the 70s. Yesterday the highs were in the 40s and today we'll climb back into the upper 70s to round out the rest of the week! It will be a miracle if everyone in the state of Louisiana isn't dog-sick in another week!

December 13, 2008

Book Review: Reflections of God's Holy Land

Reflections of God's Holy Land book review Reflections of God’s Holy Land is a remarkable, wonderful book that has broad appeal for every Christian. Eva Marie Everson has created an amazingly beautiful book, filled with photographs from her journey across the Holy Land. Hardcover and filled with full-color photos from her life-changing journey through Israel, this book is an investment you will be pleased with for years to come.

The thing that makes this book unique (and is my personal favorite part of the book) is Eva’s personal reflections. As she makes her way through her biblical trek, she shares personal insights and reflections, sharing scriptures to strengthen and highlight her writings. These personal reflections, coupled with gorgeous photos create an atmosphere that makes you feel like you are traveling with her on this breathtaking journey.

If you are interested in learning more about scriptural lands, this is a book you will enjoy reading time and time again. Possibly considered a coffee table book, this is one that you will be proud to share with friends and families. It is also a masterful centerpiece for conversation starters and biblical-based discussions.

I highly recommend Reflections of God’s Holy Land. It is an eye-opening expedition, offering heartfelt and emotional passages that will strengthen your faith and encourage your spirit.

December 12, 2008

In My Skin

It feels good
To be in this skin
Of mine.


No worries
no more
About what you think, say or do.


I never realized
how much I let
you get to me. Until now.


I love you.
But I don't care anymore
what you say or do.


I'm me.
Just me.
Love me or leave me.


I love
this skin
of mine.

Brief Update

I'm slowly--finally--beginning to feel better. I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has been praying for me the last couple of weeks. I've felt your prayers wrap around me like a warm blanket, and it was just what I needed while I was sick.

I got my first full dose of meds on Tuesday. They're finally kicking in, I suppose, because yesterday evening I could tell that I felt better. I'm still not sleeping much at night, but I did manage to sleep until almost 3:30 this morning, so that's a plus.

My posts may be sporadic for the next couple of weeks. There are a lot of huge changes about to take place and I need to start preparing for them. (I'll share more later when I can.)

December 09, 2008

I've Been Sick

sick I haven't meant to be away from my blog for so long, but I've been incredibly sick. About three weeks ago I started with a cold. I took OTC meds, hoping to cure myself because I don't have medical insurance. It didn't work. I only got sicker.

I went to the doctor the week of Thanksgiving and was told I had an upper respiratory infection. By then, I had a constant cough that was more than annoying and could not be controlled with cough syrup.

I took my antibiotics and prescription-strength cough syrup faithfully for a week. When all medicines were completely gone by this past Thursday, I still wasn't totally well. I felt a lot better, but the cough remained. In fact, it has gotten even worse. Now I can hardly sleep at night because when I lie flat on my back, I can't breathe. I wake up coughing and gasping for breath. It's not fun.

So I went back to the doctor yesterday. I was told that now I have walking pneumonia. I had to breathe into a machine to test my lungs. The doctor showed me the results; the machine said I have the lungs of an 81 year old right now. I believe it because I haven't been able to breathe well in weeks now. I'm on more meds and I am hoping and praying that by the time I finish these I will be better. He said this antibiotic is used to treat a few things, so it should knock it out for me.

I just hope I'm better by Christmas. We're moving the day after Christmas and I really need to be able to move heavy objects. Please remember me in your prayers!

December 02, 2008

What are you wearing?

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
- Colossians 3:12, New International Version

spiritual clothing In the intoxicating rush of the holiday season, do you find yourself almost running on auto-pilot at times? Do you walk by the bell ringers without so much as a sideways glance? Do you rush past fellow shoppers, in a hurry to grab your goodies and run? It's really easy to be sucked into the madness.

You don't have to give away a ton of money that you don't even have, or buy presents for misfortunate children when you can't even afford to buy for your own. As God's children, we do have a responsibility, though, to share and display the five virtues as listed in the scripture above.

The next time you feel yourself rushing and ignoring everyone else around you, stop. Breathe a prayer of thanksgiving. Then show compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience to others.

Book Review: Joshua's Hope

I have been reading through ebooks like crazy lately. My latest favorite read is Joshua's Hope, by Carol Ann Erhardt.

Hope's Review

Hope Courtland has survived an emotionally abusive marriage and is fighting for the one thing that made it all worthwhile--her stepson, Joshua. She's frustrated with God and feels like He's just not listening to her prayers. Zack Stone is a small-town sheriff, healing from the unexpected death of his wife, who tells himself he only wants to help Hope, then discovers he's falling in love with her despite himself.

Author, Carol Ann Erhardt hit a home run with Joshua's Hope. This fast-paced story kept me reading from start to finish (in a matter of a couple of hours!). The story is complete, with an emotional tale and characters who grow spiritually and emotionally throughout the book. Joshua's Hope contains mystery, murder, mayhem, and romance. It was truly a treat to read Joshua's Hope and I look forward to reading more of Carol's books.

 

To purchase

I highly recommend Joshua's Hope. If you've never purchased or read an ebook, this one is a great way to begin. Joshua's Hope is available through The Wild Rose Press. Click here to buy your copy.

November 29, 2008

Neglect Not The Body

"For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself."
- 1 Corinthians 11:29

I receive several quotes and scriptures daily via email. When this one landed this morning, I sort of skimmed over it. I've heard this scripture used many times, most often during communion services. Just as I hit the delete button to trash the email with this verse, though, I received a bit of insight...I believe, from God.

This scripture is most commonly used to depict the importance of a sober spirit before one takes communion. Often, we are admonished to take stock of ourselves and consider whether or not there is anything inside us that should not be, lest we take communion and be guilty of taking it in vain. However, I think there is another meaning to this scripture that we have overlooked, one that has nothing to do with eating and drinking in the physical sense.

1 Corinthians 12:27 (NIV) states, "Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." Every one of us play a unique role in forming the body of Christ. Some are fingers, some are the neck, some the nose. But together, as a whole, we collectively form His body. When one of us is hurting or struggling, the entire body should feel that illness as well.

The trouble is, today lends itself to a fast-pace, in-your-face lifestyle. We get in such a big hurry that we often overlook hurting parts of the body. We assume someone else will reach out. We neglect the pained and sore members, leaving them to fend for themselves.

According to 1 Corinthians 11:29, when we continue to live and go about our lives like nothing is wrong, when we know fully well that there are those around us who need support and love, we are bringing judgement upon ourselves.

This scripture also applies to those who are too busy to fellowship with the body of Christ as well. Hebrews 10:25 (Amplified) says, "Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching." If you are too busy working (or playing) to attend regular services, you are placing your soul in great danger. We all need each other. As the time of rapture nears, we need to encourage each other and lift each other in the spirit, so that we can all be ready to hear Him say, "Welcome, my faithful child."

November 27, 2008

November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving 2008

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
- Marcel Proust

Happy Thanksgiving During a time of year when the pace of life increases, remember to take a few moments to express your gratitude towards the ones you love. Rather than focus on people who might create negative feelings or emotions, spend time with the ones who love you and nourish your heart, mind, and spirit.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

November 21, 2008

A Cough That Won't Quit

I've been fighting a horrible cough all week. Monday started out okay. Tuesday I thought I felt better. I actually felt well enough to sit down and complete all my class work for this week. My goal was to do that so I'd have the rest of the week to focus on my research paper. Only, I've been so sick since Tuesday that I can barely sit up straight, let alone research and prepare notes and an outline for a paper. Bleh. :(

So yeah. I have very little research done so far. I'm coughing my head off. I'm sore all over from coughing. I'm miserable. I hope and pray this passes soon!

November 19, 2008

When "Stuff" Happens

I've been fighting some sort of nasty crud since the weekend. While I'm feeling better than I did a few days ago, I still have a horrible cough. Someone gave me a tip this morning (rub Vicks vapor rub on soles of feet, then wear socks) so I decided to make a quick run to the store. About half-way there, an 18-wheeler flung a rock into my windshield. It didn't bust a hold all the way through, but it shattered on the inside and shards of glass flew all over my dash.

It caught me off-guard and scared me. And of course, made me a bit nervous. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. I called my husband and he (like the hero he is) came to my rescue to help.

Now, almost two hours later, I'm back at home and thinking about the incident. And I'm feeling very proud of myself. Normally, when something this major happens, I totally lose it. I cry, worry, and throw one of my God-must-not-love-me-anymore fits. But I didn't do that this morning. I remained calm and held my composure, despite my nervousness.

"Stuff" will always happen. Our reaction is what is so important. Often times, we are tested with "stuff" because God wants to see how we will react, or if we've learned anything from the last similar test. I've failed this simple test for years. But I think I finally just passed it this morning with flying colors! :)

When stuff happens, don't lose it--turn to God!

November 18, 2008

Bearing Fruit

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
- John 15:4 (NIV)

fruit Have you ever attempted to do something that you knew in your heart wasn't right? You probably struggled against the grain, trying to prove to yourself and everyone else that you could do it. But in the end, you relinquished your hold and let go of the thing you held on to for so long, ending up empty-handed.

When we step outside the will of God, we usually end up that way: empty, barren, fruitless. Ironically, we also usually stand around, scratching our head, wondering why the end result is so poor.

The scary thing is, when God tells us to do something and we refuse, walk away, and follow after our own lusts, He can pluck us from the vine. Matthew (chapter 21) gives us an example of Jesus cursing a fruitless fig tree. He was hungry and noticed a fig tree, but the tree bore no fruit, and was only filled with leaves. When Jesus told the tree it would never bear fruit again, the tree immediately withered and died.

I don't want to be like that fruitless fig tree. I want to bear sweet, healthy, hearty fruit for Jesus. But the only way I can do that is if I stay in Him. I have to stay in the body of Christ. I must seek after God's will and be willing to be an obedient servant when He instructs me.

November 17, 2008

Cup of Hope now available in paperback!

fc2_tn I took the plunge last week and decided to self-publish Cup of Hope, Reflections from my heart. It is available in paperback and e-book formats through Lulu. Here's a brief excerpt:

"The word of God is our bread of life. I have learned the times I feel weakest are when I’ve neglected my daily prayer and bible study. Just as we need nourishment for our physical bodies, we also need nourishment for our spirit. Not only does the bible feed our souls, but it is our roadmap, our guidebook that shows us the way to walk. It provides direction when we don’t know if we should turn left or right. It gives us power to..."

Click here to order your copy

P.S. If you enjoy purchase this book and enjoy reading it, please consider taking a few minutes to rate and review Cup of Hope on Lulu.com. Or come back and leave your review in the comments here. Thanks!

November 15, 2008

Take Inventory

771865_witing When was the last time you took inventory of your life? Do you ever reflect on the past, to determine if you're getting anywhere? Is your life moving forward, or are you still stuck in the same crevice you were in three years ago?

This morning I pulled out a couple of my older backup discs, in search of a particular file. I ended up spending over an hour digging through old writing files. I am amazed by what I found.

You know, all too often, I don't give myself enough credit. I've always felt less than best, but the truth is, I have a God-given talent. I'm not being boastful, because I have plenty room for improvement. But truthfully, I have not given myself enough credit for my work in the last few years.

During my file-digging excursion this morning, I also uncovered quite a few folders containing stories I started, but never finished. There was always some other freelance opportunity to sidetrack me from my ultimate goal of writing a book. For whatever reason, I always chose to drop my own heart-writing for financial security from writing for others. Not good.

As I sit here this morning, I'm kind of astounded by and ashamed at myself. I'm astounded that God would choose to give me such a blessed gift of writing. Yet, at the same time, I'm ashamed because I'm realizing I haven't always used this talent wisely.

Taking inventory is never an easy thing to do. It's difficult to look at myself and take honest stock in my actions. But I know it's a good thing. When I get real with myself, I can shake away the dirt and dust that's marred my vision and reach out to God for direction and guidance, seeing His vision more clearly.

November 14, 2008

NANO No-Go

As much as I'd rather not "out" myself here, I have to admit that I've slacked on my NANO novel...again. I haven't written a word since last weekend. I've been working on assignments for my Ethics class, among other things.

I'm not giving up on my book, but I just might not get in the entire 50,000 words by the end of the month. I'll try to make a big push this weekend to add to my word count. We'll see what happens!

November 13, 2008

Finding the Good

This past week has been a struggle for me. When I find myself in this spot, I have to be even more diligent in forcing myself to find the good in everything, because it's just easier to see the bad. Then I received an email newsletter yesterday that provided me with just the boost I needed.

All too often, when we're down in the slumps, we just stay there. We focus on all the stuff going on around us that looks bad. We talk about them. We live, breathe, and eat them. Eventually, we're consumed by them because we choose not to find our way out of that mental state. At least, that's what usually happens.

I'm trying very hard to step out of that state. I don't want to grow pessimistic with age. I don't want to become jaded by life. Stuff happens to everyone. Truth is, there are a lot more people in this world that are much worse off than I.

I want to revel in my mountain peaks. When times are rough, I want to look up and remind myself of all the times in between that were fun or good or happy. Those times--the good times--are the safety net underneath me when I'm down. They're the angel wings that will lift me up in the valley and protect me to the next mountain peak.

If you're struggling with something today and you feel like there's nothing good in your life at this time, stop and think about the last time something wonderful happened to you. Remind yourself of all the blessings you've received to date. I'm betting the good will outweigh the bad.

November 09, 2008

Square Pegs Don't Fit In Round Holes

masked words I've had a very long weekend of sickness in my house. Since I completed my assignments earlier in the week, I decided this was the perfect opportunity for me to catch up on some reading.

Lately I've been trying to break out of the box and broaden my horizons. During my last few trips to the public library, I've chosen books I normally would have passed. I still have my personal boundaries of what I will and won't read, but aside from those stipulations, I've been breaking out of the typical genres I read.

Writers can learn a lot from reading other writers. You pick up on things like characterization, showing vs. telling, and POV tactics. It's kind of fun to read something different because I've been learning a lot.

Among my choices this weekend was a novel that is categorized as an inspirational romance. I assumed this meant that the book would have a solid story with a Christian theme intertwined. What I found was a big surprise and a bit of a letdown.

Just a few pages into the first chapter, I immediately began feeling uncomfortable. While the writing itself was good, the language and imagery borderline on seductive and sensual. I'm no prude by any means, but when I pick up a book with the expectation that I'll be reading an inspirational (Christian) romance and feel like I've stepped into an erotic tale, it disturbs me. The further I read, the more sensual the writing became.

I stopped mid-way into the second chapter. Frankly, I can't honestly say if I'll even finish reading the book. I'm puzzled. Did the publisher/editor think more copies would sell if the writing contained more sexual tension? Does the author believe this is inspirational romance? Why doesn't the publisher/editor place this writer in a more appropriate category line? Do Christian writers today think it's acceptable to write and publish "Christian romance" novels that are filled with sexually charged scenes?

I'm well-read a large variety of genres. Some I don't care for, others I enjoy more. The point I'm trying to make here is that when a person buys a book, based on a specific category the book is placed in, that reader should be able to open the book and read with confidence, knowing that s/he won't be blushing and squirming in their seat five pages into the book.

If you read or write inspirational romance for the Christian market, what are your thoughts on this? I personally believe square pegs don't--and shouldn't--fit into round holes.

November 06, 2008

Comic Relief from Sonic Drive-In

I absolutely love Sonic's commercials. They're unique and hilarious and I hope Sonic keeps them coming! This is one of my favorites, but they're all funny. Hope this provides you with some comic relief today. I know I needed a good laugh. :)

November 02, 2008

Incompatible Plans

"We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it."
- Proverbs 16:9 (The Message)

I've increased my personal prayers lately, with regards to God's will for my life. So many times, I am led astray by my own desires and dreams. To be honest, I'm tired of stepping outside His will, just to follow after my own.

I can look back over my 32 years on this earth and give you specific instances when I made the wrong choice or decision about something and stepped outside the will of God. Those times brought heartache and pain. Eventually, I reached a breaking point, which inevitably returned me to the foot of the cross, where I found grace, forgiveness, and mercy yet again.

I'm tired of doing this over and over again. I want to believe I've learned my lesson, but honestly, I'm not sure I have.

This human nature causes me to want certain things. Those things aren't always what is best for me. I can't see the future, but God can. He knows right now what will happen in months and years to come. Steps I take today that are not ordained by Him could lead me down a path of destruction. But only God knows this. And that is why I have to turn to Him and inquire of His will before I ever make a decision.

Far too often, our plans are not compatible with God's plans for our lives. We usually struggle with this, too, because the plans God has for us are usually so far beyond our comprehension that we can't understand why He won't allow us to have what we want right now. We can't see the good things that will come, if we hold to His hand and trust in Him to lead the way.

I want God to guide me. I want my words to be His. I want my thoughts to be guided by Him. I want to go where He wants me to go, and do what He wants me to do. I don't want to worry anymore about what others might think of me. God is the only One who matters. He is the only One I need to please and serve.

November 01, 2008

NANO - Day 1

I've officially made it through the first day of NANO 2008. I wrote a little over 1,200 words today. I wanted to write a little bit more than that on my first day, but this is a decent start. I'm happy with it. I have a pretty good outline so I think I should be able to get through this book this month.

October 31, 2008

Gearing Up For NaNoWriMo 2008

This post is mostly about how I came up with my idea for this year's NANO. Warning: It could bore you to tears. :)

NaNoWriMo 2008 I've been on break from school for two weeks now. During this brief intermission, I've worked on world and character building for a novel I'll write during NANO this year.

I'm starting with a book idea I actually began writing several years ago. When I found the file folder and opened it up, I realized that I wrote a lot more than I'd remembered back then. (I actually opened it up with intentions of finishing this idea, and using a different idea for my NANO novel.)

I was excited about finishing this book, but after I read through what I'd written, something wasn't quite right. The characters seemed shallow. The story itself lacked oomph. When I dug deeper into my chapter-by-chapter synopsis and read the full chapters already written, I was able to put my finger on the problems fairly quick:

  1. No character depth
  2. Lack of conflict
  3. Characters goals and motivation seriously deficient
  4. Weak plot line

These were the major issues I noticed during my initial read-through. I decided this story needs to be told, but it needed some major adjustments. I've learned a lot in the last few years, much of which I didn't know anything about back then, which explains the substandard story premise and flat characters.

Step 1: Give the character(s) something to fight for.

The first thing I did was sit down and rewrite a new Goal, Motivation, and Conflict chart for the heroine. This was a very exciting stage for me because once this step was complete, I could see just how far I've grown. It was especially fun to see this character come to life through deeper conflict and goals. Very exciting!

Step 2: Build their world.

The next step was to create a world around the characters. I have to know their town, the people in it, the businesses. It's important to have a grip on simple things like road structure and complex things like interpersonal dynamics among citizens. Some writers prefer to just build the world in their heads instead of writing about it. But I've had a lot of fun writing about it and sketching out a map by hand.

Step 3: Stock up on lots of coffee.

Now that I have the basics laid out, I'm just waiting for the official buzzer for 2008 NANO to begin. I have a simple outline and a basic idea of where my story will begin. Today I'll let the idea simmer on the back burner. I might even possibly come up with an extra surprise to throw into the story. I have a nice supply of coffee on hand. I have a word count goal of 2,500 per day (figured on a 5-day writing week, instead of 7, to allow some flexibility). I'm as ready as I'll ever be!

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo this year? If you'd like, leave a comment and share your profile URL with us!

October 30, 2008

I Have Hope...?

There's a song I like that talks about having hope in every situation, no matter what comes or goes, there is always Hope. And yet, despite my own name being Hope, there are so many times when I feel hopeless.

I've been wondering...why is that?

To hope is to be optimistic. To wish and be full of expectation. To act upon the possibility of something positive happening.

I used to be full of hope. I used to look at life with expectancy, wishing for all good things to come of everything I did. When, and how, did this change within me?

I had a rough childhood. My life was far from simple or easy as a kid. But somehow, despite all that, I managed to survive. Yes, survive. I didn't learn to thrive until the 18-20 years. That's when I gained my independence and learned how to love myself and believe in myself.

In the last 10-12 years, I've experienced a lot of heartache, heartbreak, trials, and problems. So why is it that all these things negatively affected me and my perception now? Why was the change not a positive one, as it was after the first 18 years of my life?

Somehow I've turned into a person who worries endlessly about everything, is concerned about the minute things that really don't even matter in the big picture, and fears/believes the worst will happen in every situation because "that's just my luck." Why? How did this happen?

I don't like this me. Not at all. I wish I could be the old me. The me that can see the good in others when they do bad things. The me that believes good can come from bad. The me that hopes for the best in every situation.

I am Hope. But I don't have much hope anymore. Not today, anyway.

October 29, 2008

I Feel Myself Going Through The Change Again

No...I don't mean THE change. I'll explain...

When my husband went to Iraq the last time, I was a nervous wreck. We'd just had our son, so he was not even a year old when my husband's unit was activated for deployment. To top it off, he became violently ill after my husband left. Our daughter was still at home and had not started school yet. To say I had a lot on my plate is an understatement.

All these things--the deployment, my son's illness, my daughter starting Kindergarten, me dealing with depression--created a change, externally in my world, and within me.

That same change, one that changed me forever, is beginning to happen to me again. I feel something inside myself changing, moving, breaking. I feel that expectancy again. Like I'm about to go through a re-molding process yet again.

Right now I'm wondering what changes are ahead. Will they make me better? Colder? More peaceful? Hard? Joyful? More loving? Pessimistic?

You might think I'm silly for throwing in those negative thoughts. But I'm not. I'm being realistic. I know how deep and strong the changes can be. I've already been here once, and I know I'm headed for the changes again. I want them to be good. I want them to make me stronger. I want to be changed for the better from this.

Incidentally, this is the space where I blogged during my husband's last deployment to Iraq. If you're interested, you can read and follow my change the last time. It starts around October 2004 and goes through the 2005 posts. There are pictures and a lot of personal posts about the deployment. I still hasn't been able to bring myself to go back and re-read all of them.

October 28, 2008

Beginning Again

When I killed off this blog a couple of years ago, I never thought I'd resurrect it. But I was wrong. :)

After several turns of events (and losing a "new" personal blog I'd started again on my personal website), I decided to come back to good old Blogger and continue my personal blogging here.

This blog won't have a specific theme. It's always been personal, and it will remain that way. One of the main reasons I dropped this blog was because of people using things I wrote against me. I won't put up with it this time around, though. You're more than welcome to come and read my blog, but if you try your foolishness again you won't be met with a smile (and "you" know who "you" are).

So, with that said, here I am...beginning again.