March 24, 2006

An update

I guess some of you who know me and keep up with me on my website have wondered what's going on with me. Honestly, I didn't want to share here. I wanted to keep it on the down-low and not broadcast my personal issues online. In all truthfullness, I was afraid of what people would think or say about me. After thinking about it for a while, though, I decided to share anyway. People will think what they will, regardless of what I do.

I have been dealing trying to deal with stress, anxiety and mild depressive symptoms on my own. I was on Zoloft after Robert left for Iraq last year but after a few months I stopped taking it (without my doctor's knowledge). Within just a couple of months, my symptoms returned. I have been fighting this, thinking I was strong enough to deal with it and beat it on my own. I was too stubborn to see that it is a physical problem, not mental.

After another recent visit to the doctor though, he asked me a question that opened my eyes. "If you came to us with high blood pressure and we told you that you needed to take medication daily to prevent a heart attack, would you take it?" "Well, yes!" I replied. "This is no different," he told me. "It's a chemical imbalance in your body that needs medication to help regulate it." I never saw it that way. I was always frustrated that I had to take medicine to be "normal." But he explained to me that the pill doesn't put anything foreign in my body. It simply acts as an agent for my body and aids it in releasing the chemical my body needs for me to be me. So I am back on Zoloft and feeling better. It's only been a week, but I am noticing the changes already, so in a couple more weeks I should be feeling tons better.

I was so afraid to share this because it seems like it's one of those topics among Christians that is supposed to be hush-hush. You're not supposed to be sick. You're not supposed to have problems. You're supposed to be "perfect." The fact is--we're human. Our bodies get ill. Thank God for the resources we have today to help make us better!

So anyway, I just wanted to share this, even though I'm still afraid of what you'll think, in case there's someone else out there going through the same thing. You're not alone. And if you know you're not well and don't feel like yourself, get help. Don't put it off. Procrastinating will only prolong your sickness. There's no shame in getting help when you need it.