December 01, 2005

Starting Over again

Okay, so I can't stay away. *grin* You knew I'd be back soon, didn't you?

When I visited Angela's blog this morning, I groaned in agony. I knew this topic would be popping up soon on blogs everywhere, but I didn't think it would be this soon. It's the pink elephant in the middle of my room that I've been avoiding.

Usually, around this time every year I'm like a happy pup. Tongue hanging out panting, tail wagging, all happy about the new year. This year is different.

After reading Angela's entry about goals, I started wading sifting through files and old blog entries to see what goals I set for myself at the end of 2004. Guess what? I can't find any! I'm sure I did because I am very much a goal-oriented person, but if I did, they're nowhere to be found. This could be a good indication of why I don't feel like I have accomplished very much this year.

As most of you know, this has been a stressful and eventful year. With Robert in Iraq, I have had a huge amount of responsibility on my shoulders. I'm not complaining about this at all. It's just one of those things that had to be done, regardless. With the added pressures, though, I guess I just let the one thing that's important to me--writing--slip to the side.

Something old
The one good thing I did do this year for myself was go back to school. I was able to do it all totally online, which was a huge plus for me. I'm not finished yet, but I'm nearing the end of this journey, which is an enormous accomplishment for me, considering I've started school many times and never managed to complete it.

I took this year (time alone) to focus on school. It was important to me that I finish something and have something to show for this time while Robert was away. I wanted him to come home and see and know that I did something positive and productive with my time.

Most of all, I wanted to accomplish this for me. On some level, I needed to prove to myself that I could do it, I could finish what I started.

Only a handful of people even knew that I had started my classes again. I kept it a secret mostly because I didn't want outside influence. This was something I needed to do on my own, and I didn't want to rely on others for support. I needed to support myself, and do it on my own.

Something new
I'm sure I'll still be pondering this the rest of this month. But I think the main thing I want to do next year that would be "new" is to truly become a "home maker." This has been on my mind for a couple of months, and I really don't know why because it's not something that I have ever given much thought to. Well, I guess I do know why--it's pretty evident that God has placed this on my heart.

I've been a stay-at-home-mom for nearly seven years now. I've worked a couple of part-time jobs several times, to help out, but they never lasted. I think the biggest reason is because I was fighting my calling for now--to be at home.

I want to learn how to truly make our house a home. It is now, but I want to make it even more so. I want our home to be a "soft place to land" (in Dr. Phil's words) for my husband and our children. I want it to be a safe-haven for our family. I desire for our home to be godly, a place where, when others enter, they feel God's presence and love.

So there you have it--my something old and something new. What's yours?